[ actual newspaper headlines ]

(author unknown)

1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

3. Safety Experts Say Schoolbus Passengers Should Be Belted

4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

6. Farmer Bill Dies in House

7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

8. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

9. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

10. Panda Mating Fail; Veterinarian Takes Over

11. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again

12. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

13. Eye Drops off Shelf

14. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Axe

15. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

16. Miners Refuse to Work after Death

17. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

18. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

19. War Dims Hope for Peace

20. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

21. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

22. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

23. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

24. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

25. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

26. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

27. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

28. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

29. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

30. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

31. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

32. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

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