Picture this: you are trapped in a small black car in the sizzling heat, ten billion miles from anywhere (it seems). You and your nine year old brother are crushed in one of the front seats, and your mom's boyfriend is driving beside you. Your mom, your Nana (with the dog asleep in her lap), and your fifteen year old aunt are in the back seat. You're not allowed to do anything, because your mother is sitting directly behind you. You don't even dare to move, even though you are bent so intricately around your brother, that you wonder if you'll be paralyzed for life. Your aunt, being the youngest of the three in the back, gets to sit behind the very large driver and have her knees crushed into her skull. You laugh and point at her. Surprisingly she has enough slack to bend over and punch you in the face. You can't cry though, or your psychotic mother will really give you something to cry about.

About half of an hour earlier, after you and your older brother had been whining for water, the car was stopped. Your Nana then went into the trailer that was tagging along behind, to try to save you. Of course, bringing the first juicy thing that she could find, she gives you and your brother each an orange. Your aunt, not wanting to deal with the consequences, wisely refuses. Now your hands are dry and sticky, not to mention your legs where the juice dripped, and your face where your brother wiped his hands. You want the dog to wake up and lick your hands so you call his name. He wakes up and crawls to the front seat, and stomps all over you, scratching your face and legs so that the orange juice stings just right. He doesn't forget to shed a little, so that you're hairy all over, too. Smooth move.

You discover that a wedgey has worked it's way in. You can't do anything about it though. If you try to pull it out, your clothes will get all sticky inside, and your brother will whine because you are squishing him. If he does that, then you will both be grounded to the trailer when you arrive at the campgrounds. So you just sit there.

The car pulls into a gas station. You're really thirsty (again), so you ask for a drink of pop. While you sit there, dreaming of something cold, Nana is buying six drinks and a bag of ice for the cooler. She opens the door and hands you and everyone else a drink of apple juice. You whine, and so does your brother. Apple juice will just make you stickier and thirstier. So she takes your drinks away and hands you some ice. The ice smells and has white stripes in it (probably toxins of some kind), but you accept it anyway. First you wash your hands and legs and face with it, then stick it in your mouth. The ice tastes funny, but you think it's just from when you dropped it in the two inches of muck on the car floor. When you finish it you realize that the ice was what tasted weird, not the dirt on it. Maybe it was poisoned. While you consider that, you look out the window and forget all about it.

You awaken from your semi-conscious state because your aunt has yelled something. Then she says it again. What? Did she say that you're here?! Your brother starts to yip excitedly while you smile smugly and sink into the seat. Your brother starts to scream for another reason. You realize what it is, so you move back over into your twisted uncomfortable shape.

When you finally get to the entrance of the park, your brother is crapping himself, literally. Nana tries to comfort him, by telling him how close you all are, but he can't wait. The car is stopped, so he goes behind a bush and takes a dump. You hope that a bear smells it, and bites his butt off. He gets back into the car, says that his butt itches, and you start off again. Your aunt says that he was squatting in a patch of poison ivy, but she was only lying. Your brother says that he wiped his butt with those leaves, and starts to freak out. Your aunt gets told off, and you smile.

Just when you think that the waving forest roads are going to go on into eternity, you arrive at the registration office. Your mom yells for everyone to stay in the car, then off she goes with her boyfriend. Your aunt keeps yelling out of the window to your mom. She's asking for number 73, the best spot ever. All of a sudden you get the urge to pee. You turn around to tell Nana, but she's gone. It's just you, your brother, and evil aunty. She squints at you and asks you if you want to die. You say no, but it's too late, she's already mid-pounce. You scream in pain as she pinches you all over. Then Nana comes to the car, tells your aunt off, then leaves. You turn and look at your brother. He is laughing hysterically because your aunt pinched you to bits. You elbow him your hardest, but he still just laughs. He then realizes that you are vulnerable. He snaps his hand tightly around your side and tickles you. He gets the reward of having you pee on his leg. From then on all you remember is a lot of screaming, and complete havoc. END